I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
