i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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