I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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