I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
