Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize