You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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