Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
