Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
