I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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