Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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