I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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