Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
