Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
home. puking in laundry basket.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
