i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize