As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
