More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
