Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
