woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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