I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
