well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
