How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize