I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
