I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize