I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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