i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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