The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
