we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
