Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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