My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
