is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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