Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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