there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
