I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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