so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
