He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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