I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
