your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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