All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
