He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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