Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
