I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
