I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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