I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
