just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
