The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
