I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
