Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
