i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
