we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
