Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize