theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
