So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
