what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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