You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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