he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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