I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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