so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
