There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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