I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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