And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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