This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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