just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
