I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
