Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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