i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
