Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
