I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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