Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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