if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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