your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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